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This section of my page is for anything I would like to post or talk about regarding my travels on the road and/or miscellaneous things with comedy.
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Sunday, June 22, 2008 . "Comedian George Carlin dies in Los Angeles at 71" is what I read when I opened up Yahoo tonight.
I instantly was reminded of why I got into comedy... It was 1982, I was 9 years old, and my family was taking a vacation to Mackinac Island up north in Michigan. We got up to Mackinac City and stayed at a hotel before taking a ferry over to the island the next day. My parents got the bed and my sister and I slept on the floor of the hotel. We were not wealthy by any means so just getting to go on this vacation and sleep in a hotel was super exciting to my sister and I. Late at night when my parents thought my sister and I were asleep they turned on HBO which again was something we could never afford growing up. We had 4 channels and one of them was the static channel 3 for our VCR. Well that night on HBO was George Carlin's special "Carlin at Carnegie". I don't think I have ever heard my parents laugh so hard in my life at that time. Of course I didn't understand it all but what I did, I LOVED!!! I had always been a funny kid but at that moment I knew that I would be a comedian when I got older. I didn't know how but I knew that I would become that! Even years later when I was graduating from high school in a town that only had 1 stop light I wrote as a prediction in my yearbook that I would go to college and get my computer degree and then become a comedian. And by god after seeing that HBO special in 1982, 16 years later I completed my dream and started my career as a comedian on March 8, 1998... Thank you for everything George. You will be missed...
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Monday, June 16, 2008 . Yesterday I went over to some friends and played in the pool with their kids. I love kids so I tried to stay in the pool for as long as I could. Well unfortunitely I forgot I'm WHITE and burn very easily! I don't know why I always think I can stay in for a bit and I won't get burned.
You know the stupid thing is I just bought a case of this spray on Bull Frog SPF 36 sun block. You would think I know better! I never learn Sorry for those that are horrified by Man Boobs!
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Sunday, June 15, 2008 . I been meaning to put these pictures up of a commercial I did or didn't do. Actually I thought I was booked to be in a commercial for the new Disney-Pixar movie "Wall-e".
So I waited all day to shoot my scene only to find out that I was going to be in a different commercial being shot by the same director. I was going to be playing a Glass Carrying guy for a new movie coming out by Disney, "Beverly Hills Chihuahua". The idea was me and another guy would be carrying a plate of glass that almost breaks from a person running by but then does break when a Chihuahua runs through it. But I still took some pics of the robot for "Wall-E". Check them out. This is Gerrence George and I before our shoot These guys were replacing Wall-E's battery
The guy in the cool brown hat was the director This is the station that controlled Wall-E
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Thursday, June 6, 2008 . Ok, so I am in Shreveport, LA this week. And the club has moved to a new location. I have to say it's very difficult to play here with all the distractions. The comedy club is part of a Dueling Piano bar that has the guys play before and after the show. Then we go on the same stage...
There is also a bowling alley, pool hall, two bars, a Wii big screen play area, and a dance club upstairs. Which promptly starts their thumping music as soon as us comics take the stage. Well since the club just moved to this location they are going through some growing pains. Meaning no one knows they are here yet! So our crowd was pretty small for a Thursday. I would say 30 people. Most were nice but there was this very odd kid in the front row. I seriously don't know if he was actually with the people he sat with or if the couple was being paid to take care of him. Anyway, I take the stage to a very lethargic crowd. I don't blame them though. It's hot and sticky in here and they just went from a high energy dueling piano team to a lower energy opening comic. He did his best to get them going but they were definitely in a weird mood. Almost like when you go from having really bad diarrhea to that time between each incident. You are starting to feel better but it can change as soon as you get that feeling in your stomach. So you just sit still and hope you feel better soon, while fanning your face. Well I got that feeling in my stomach when I started my set. Because this guy immediate started criticizing every joke. I was definitely being much bluer than I am normally because, "Hey, I'm in the South and thats what plays well." Well this 27 year old made a comment about it and then he tried to make a joke that bombed horribly. The crowd already liked me and started ripping on this kid. I calmed them down and ripped on him in my jovial way. He shut up almost the whole rest of the show. But this is where it gets weird. I ended the show and the kid comes up to me to shake my hand. He compliments my show and begins to tell me that he is a writer. I say, "Oh, good luck with that." Very sincerely. He said, "It's not luck, it's talent!" All smugly I said, " Well, whatever." He then says, "Yeah I really liked your act and I also write comedy." At this point I have had a few people come up to me in my career and tell me this before. Which usually follows with them wanting to send me some material to look over. Usually tell them to email it to me. And to be honest it's NEVER good. Or I just never hear from them. Well you can imagine my surprise to what he proceeded to tell me. Dumb kid, "Yeah I write comedy and I grabbed a few of your things." I look dumb founded and said, "Ummm What?" Dumb kid, "I grabbed a few of your things." I said, "What do you mean?" Dumb kid, "I grabbed a few of your things. You know, to give to the local comics." I have never went from smiling politely to furious so fast in my life!!! I shouted, "The fuck you will!!! Your not a writer or you would realize that is plagiarism. And it's ILLEGAL!!!" Now I know comics that have sued other comics for steeling their material and it's happened on even TV shows from writers steeling comics materials to put into shows. But at this point I wanted to drive my message home so I shouted ILLEGAL and maybe even spit a little when I said it. The dumb ass, hopefully realizing that he totally didn't know what the fuck he was talking about, high tailed it out of the club. To the people of Shreveport. Most of you are very cool, hard working, fun people. But you definitely have your share of "people" that should be watched on a constant basis if you know what I mean. Be generous with the helmets. I think to many people have fallen already!
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Monday, April 21, 2008 . So many of you know that I am shooting these comedy environmental mini movies for FOX that will be played all over the FOX Lot, website, and possibly before FOX movies at the theaters...
Well here is my first billboard that will be displayed around the FOX Lot... If you want to see the envionmental hilarious videos I made for FOX go to my Video link!
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Friday, April 18, 2008 . A moderate earthquake and six aftershocks rattled much of the Midwest early Friday morning, shaking all of Indiana and beyond.
The U.S. Geologic Survey reported that the first earthquake had a magnitude of 5.2. Buildings in downtown Indianapolis shook for about 15 seconds as the temblor rumbled at about 5:37 a.m. The USGS Web site said that quake was centered near West Salem, Ill., or about 40 miles north of Evansville, Ind., along the Wabash Valley Fault Zone, which is north of the well-known New Madrid fault area. The funniest thing about this was I woke up right after it to get ready to do radio in Indy. I didn't feel the quake but the funniest thing was all the stories I heard on the radio when i got on. One man thought his wife was running around chasing the kids upstairs. (Wow thats one heavy wife). One man thought it was weird how his cows were moving around moving. (Yeah, that doesn't hapen every day!) One lady said her cat was sitting on the window sill and when the earthquake erupted the cat jumped off the ledge only to get entangled in the window blinds. (Hang in there baby) Most people thought their significant other was just moving around the bed to much. (Sounds great if it were during intercourse, but no such luck) This pretty much ruined my time on the radio because that was what all the people wanted to talk about. Which I don't mind, but why not ask a guy that has been living in California for the past 6 years what he thought about it all???
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Thursday, March 13, 2008 . I am enjoying my first day in Portland, and I got up early to drive around. Checking out my yahoo maps, I spot a diner not too far away from where I am staying.
If you know anything about me, you should know that I am a HUGE fan of DINERS! Always good food and good prices.
So I am sitting in the The perfect older lady "kiss my grits" type walks up and asks me what I want to eat. Since I am trying to be good on the road and fairly healthy, I order up an egg-white omelette with mushrooms and turkey. She then asks me what kind of cheese I want on it. I told her, "No cheese please." She then gets this puzzled look on her face and says, "Well how do you expect to glue it all together without any cheese?" After I stopped laughing at her very serious face, I said, "I am just trying to be healthy." Apparently if you are a chubby guy and order an egg-white omelette with no cheese in Portland you are looked upon as the Devil. Which makes me feel that much better about Portland. It’s like the Midwest (where I’m from) without any sun.
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008 . I am at the post office yesterday morning, and there are about 4 of us in line. This old, foreign guy walks in and goes right up to the teller before any of us and starts yelling about WHERE is his Passport?!? He tells the teller that he has some paperwork and wants to know where this package is.
She repeatedly tells him that he needs to call the number on the sheet because there is no way for her to track it or to even know where it is. So, he finally gets so pissed and doesn’t believe she is doing all that she can to help him, he says, "What if I say there is a bomb in there?" We all instantly freak out!!! The teller says she would have to call the cops on him. He just gets mad, grabs his paperwork and cane, and leaves. ISN’T THAT CRAZY? I still was thinking about calling the cops but then I thought, hell I am going to be here forever and I just want to mail out this DVD to a lucky fan and pick up some overpriced stamps.
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Friday, March 07, 2008 . Check out this cool email I got the other day from a town near where I grew up in Michigan:
===================== This is Norma Vallad (from St. Michael Parish & School Festival)….What does your schedule look like for our Annual Festival??????????? We would like you to be our Parade Marshall and a hour or so of live entertainment????? Let me know if you are available and the price…(Our Friday evenings usually bring in a few hundred people or more….We have a blast and this year our theme is "Cruise On In To St. Michael Parish & School Festival)…Please let me know…
Thanks, ===================== I have to say I have never been a Parade Marshall before but I was named the runner up to the King of our Homecoming in high school. So I got to be in a parade and I have the model wave down. (Cup the hand and rotate left to right) I also look very cool throwing candy out of the car to the kids. And yes, I’ll make sure I throw it directly to the fat kids so they don’t have to run far to pick it up.
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Thursday, March 06, 2008 .
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Monday, March 03, 2008 . t really excites me to say that on March 8th I will be celebrating 10 years in Stand-Up Comedy! I started March 8, 1998 at Joey's Comedy Club in Livonia, MI. It's crazy to think that I used to shave my head all bald and opened with the joke, "I know what you are all thinking--, Mr. Clean really let him self go." After getting that first laugh, I knew that this was definitely what I wanted to do the rest of my life!
To celebrate my 10 years in comedy, I am giving my BEST deal yet for my New and Old DVD's.
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Monday, March 03, 2008 . During this time in the age of transportation, does anyone ever take the train anymore? Well, I can answer that question with a definite YES!
I had the opportunity a few days ago to take the train from San Diego to Burbank. This is normally a 2-hour drive if there's no traffic, but it's a 3-1/2-hour train ride with stops. I know this may sound weird but I have never been on a REAL TRAIN before. Sure I have been on trolleys, miniature trains through amusement parks, and the fake LA subway system, but never a real "All Aboard" train ride. I have to say, I was a bit nervous. What if marauders and/or bandits ride up next to the train, board the train, and then make me give up my MacBook Pro and iPod? I can just see them riding off now with my computer bag on their backs and my new cool "stay in your ear no matter how much you sweat" head phones. Then they go back to their hideout and get online and send out emails to all of my friends about how to make your "rooster" bigger or an email stating that you, too, can receive your PhD in just 5 weeks with their online course. I tried not to think about this, so I closed my eyes and listened to my iPod for a brief 20 links or tracks or however they measure distance on a train. After I got done listening to my iPod, I put it in the bottom pocket of my cargo shorts -- a pocket I never use because I also have the usual pockets where your hands gravitate towards normally. I thought this would confuse the bandits since I am sure they have never seen, much less heard of, cargo shorts. This backfired on me because, after no incidents with marauders and/or bandits, I got home and washed my cargo shorts with the iPod still in the pocket that I never use much less check to see if anything is in there. I tested the iPod but it would not turn on. It did, however, take a charge and show up in my iTunes with all the songs still inside. My friend Jenny recommended that I put the iPod in a glass of dry rice for 2-3 days to soak out all the moisture that was inside the iPod. This sounded so crazy that it just might work. So I am on day 1 of the soak. I'll keep you posted on this experiment. All-in-all, the train ride was pretty uneventful -- except for the part when I tried to go to the bathroom, which was in a different car (I think thats what you call another compartment on a train). I went to enter the next car by sliding the door open between the cars, as I have seen done many times on Westerns, and it didn't open. It was almost like my hand slipped on a door that needed much more exertion to open. I tried again with more strength. This time the door cocked back with a force that slammed my right ring finger back and blood instantly flowed from the nail. I started to well up with tears before someone right behind me pointed out the big red button in the middle of the door that said "Push," and the door slid open with the ease of a portal on the Star Trek Voyager. I ran to the bathroom to stop the bleeding and cry a little inside. I have to admit the train ride was pretty easy. People were nice and quiet, I didn't have to sit in traffic, and it only cost me $29 for the train ride and $15 for the cab ride from my train stop to my luxurious apartment. Hell I would have spent that in gas and the road rage would have escalated my blood pressure, shortening my life span, and depriving you all of precious extra years of my hilarious comedy! Have a great day!
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Thursday, February 28, 2008 . Walking through the Burbank airport I saw some photographers taking pictures of someone. Obviously a celebrity but I couldn't see him at first. Walking by this person I looked up at them and noticed it was Wayne Brady.
I worked with Wayne years ago at the State Theater in Detroit, MI and at that time for some reason Wayne wasn't the nicest to me. I asked him for a picture back then and he reluctantly oblidged. Ever since then Wayne wasn't one of my favorite comedic entertainers. But today was definitely a different day and many years later.
I started talking with Wayne about working with him years ago and knowing the producer/creater of the new signing show he is hosting. He immediately warmed up to me and we talked from the ticket counter through the security check point and to both our gates. Wayne couldn't have been nicer. He was so cool and complimentary. My opinion has definitely changed and now I think Wayne is awesome!!!
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Friday, February 29, 2008 . I got to meet one of the BEST Comedic Actors out there at the Last Comic Standing auditions in Tempe, AZ.
Fred Willard What an awesome guy. I really didn't get to talk with him much but he did express enjoying my audition...
I also want to thank my GREAT friend Ilin for taking the picture and always being a huge support through my comedic journey. I met her back when she worked at the Indianapolis Crackers Comedy Club and now she works at a comedy club here in Scottsdale, AZ. THANKS SO MUCH ILIN!!!
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So yesterday was my Last Comic Standing Audition in beautiful Tempe, AZ. The day started out a little crazy filling out a bunch of paperwork and getting shuffled around from room to room.
It was crazy, thankfully I had a scheduled audition time. I felt so bad for all the comics that camped out for more than 2 days outside hoping to get in to see the producers. The execs did the auditions a bit different this year. Instead of 1 audition before you got to be in the main show at night with an audience, there were 2. The first audition (at 11:30 a.m.) was with the 2 producers or forms there of. Super nice and pretty women. Which I felt very comfortable in front of. I got up on stage to start my 2 minutes and they were giggling as soon as I even said my name and then after my first joke they stopped me and passed me on to the next round. WOW, what a huge load off to feel that 1st one out of the way. I already made it past the last time I auditioned and was feeling GREAT! After a few hours of waiting around and BS'ing with many awesome comedians I haven't seen in ages (i.e. Rocky LaPorte, Chad Daniels and Steve White) and getting lucky enough to meet some new ones that I just loved. Including Robert Hawkins, Heath Hyche, Phil Palisoul, Robert Mac, and Marcus (apparently no last name) So the next round of auditions started at around 2:30 p.m. This time it was with the judges for the night Kathy Najimy and Fred Willard. I have to be honest, I was pretty nervous when I saw Fred. He is like a huge comedian actor and I think he is just awesome. He seemed to really enjoy me while Kathy was more on the negative side. She didn't think my material was there while Fred laughed out loud with me a couple of times. Thankfully Fred had the heavy hand and passed me on to the night round. But I'll be honest, it was super close. So now we did some promotional videos getting to know the top 22 comics they picked to perform for 3 minutes in front of a live audience. These videos were pretty fun to shoot. And I have to be honest I think I really gave them some funny stuff... So finally 8 p.m. hits and the club is OVER SOLD with people. It's a packed house and it sounds like a HOT crowd. I draw 21st spot out of 22 comics. At first I was thinking this would be awesome so they wouldn't forget me. But it also meant that the crowd would be pretty tired by the time they got to me. Finally I go up and the crowd was HOT. Super hot. I had them rolling pretty fast! I don't think I made eye contact with either of the judges the whole set. I just kept looking at the people in the crowd. Which afterwards I heard many of the comics say the same thing. After my set we are rushed off to the holding room where we have been for most of the day. They have some pretty little blonde interview us to ask us how we thought the show went. Again, I gave a very funny interview while also complementing all the other awesome comedians on the show. After another 1/2 hour of deliberation they brought us out in 2 groups of 11. The whole time I was on stage I was being silly, like one time I held Bill Bellamy's (the Host of the show) hand while acting like I was praying. Or standing in a way to show that I was posing for the cameras. You know "hamming it up". The crowd laughed so I kept doing it. Then when they started to announce the winners for the night the crowd (I SWEAR TO GOD) started chanting my name. I felt like I was a shoe in. Even the comics told me they figured I had made it. But low and behold I was passed over. A large Black women, A Veteran to the craft, A good looking tattooed impressionist, A tall high energy Jewish guy, and a Good Looking guy that made it past the rounds in another season of LCS were all picked. I'm not saying that they weren't good because I never got to see any of them perform. But I am saying if there was a crowd favorite, I think I had a great chance. But this was not a let down by any means. The club owner asked me to come back and play the whole weekend at the Tempe IMPROV since there are supposedly some HUGE STARS stopping by. I am very excited for this opportunity. Best of luck to the guys and girl that passed on, it should be a fun ride!
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Thursday, February 14, 2008 . This is hilarious! My friends Jean and Joe Barlow from Wisconsin just had a baby!!! Huge Congrats to them. But check out the email and pic they sent me!
"Hello Rob...Hope all has been going well for you. It's been awhile, but Jean and I had our baby boy on Sept.8th. He's healthy, happy and doing great. ... Joe ..."
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Thursday, January 17, 2008 . Sometimes things happen in life and you can get down on yourself, and other times you just think that you have the world by the balls! Well, in comedy those emotions can happen hourly. I have been very blessed in my career to perform in some awesome places, work with some very cool comics, and meet just the most amazing inspirational people. And today was one of those awesome days.
I was working in Sacramento, CA, which I will admit is not a town where I ususally have a big following. So I never get that excited to head up there. But tonight at the first show of the week I see some fans in the crowd with some banners. Debbie from Elk Grove, CA came out sporting a very cool banner and held it up high when I entered the stage. This could not have come at a better time. I have been on the road for about 8 weeks and was really starting to think things just weren't going well for me. I missed home, my friends, and my bed but to see someone so excited to see me just made it all worth while. I know I have some other fans that do this for me quite often too, and I appreciate it so much, but like I said I really needed to see it here! THANK YOU DEBBIE and everyone else that appreciates me for me!
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Sunday, January 13, 2008 . There is one thing that as a comic is a MUST do in Tulsa, OK: visit the legendary Sam Kinison's grave.
Sam was and still is one of my all-time favorite comics. I remember that, when I was in 10th grade, I went with a friend to see him live in Saginaw, MI at the Heritage Theater. He was unfucking believable. I have never laughed that hard in my life. I actually pee'd my pants. There was so much pot in the air too that I was high off my ass! But it didn't matter-- this guy was awesome!!! And now our paths crossed again. It was crazy to see his plot. I was with the other comics but held back my tears of joy and sadness to be witnessing this. He died way before his time and I can only imagine what he would be doing now. I so wish I would have had the chance to meet him but I didn't start comedy early enough. We took a charcoal imprint of his grave stone, and that was not easy. It took us about 10 tries to get the desired look we were going for, especially since that white clown face kept getting in the way of properly outlining his first name. The whole time we kept saying things like, "Sorry Sam," "We'll leave you alone here in a minute." And we kept imagining him saying, "Ahhhhh Ahhhhh get the fuck off my grave, you cock suckers." Thanks for letting us stop by Sam. You are truly missed!
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Thursday, January 10, 2008 . This week I was performing in Tulsa, OK. I have never been there, nor ever explored Tulsa, and the only thing anyone mentioned to see was Oral Roberts University. I have to be honest: I am not very religious at all, so I don't know anything about Oral Roberts. Apparently he is one of those Evangelist types who tell people things that god said since he and god are on a first-name basis.
Again, I am ignorant about the religious works of Oral, but apparently Oral was told by a 60-foot Jesus (depicted below) to build the City of Faith. It's a hospital to take care of everyone who needs help, which I think is funny because Oral was supposed to be able to heal people with his touch. So why would he need these 3 huge buildings when an office with a waiting room would suffice?
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